INNER FROSTING PART IV: Birthday Whine vs. Divine
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RE Shift on September 24th as well-join us!!
Hi there Shifters,
Last Saturday (9-10-11-) was my birthday and, as with the last four years, I am taking the time to reflect on this past year and to acknowledge the distance I have come since the time when I struggled with my weight and my birthday, for me, was really just all about the cake (really the frosting), --and not just a piece of cake but usually most of the whole thing.
When I struggled with my weight I wrote in a diary every day about my daily experiences with my life which usually was mostly my struggle with myself and my weight. There wasn’t a lot of room in my inner life at least for much else. I have boxes of diaries that all say basically the same thing day after day, year after birthday year—I don’t want to be fat, why did I eat too much yesterday, there is something wrong with me, etc, etc , etc--it’s a real sad yawn fest flipping through those pages let me tell you so that’s why a few years ago I put them all in the attic. J
What those boxes of diaries in the attic represent is a time in my life when I was looking in the wrong place for the right answers. I was looking backwards and whining about how hard things were and how wrong I was and how unfair it was that other people didn’t struggle like me.
I realize now that I was using very little of my brain in trying to escape my daily destiny of failure—instead I was just reinforcing the limiting beliefs and struggle which in turn kept me in the limiting behaviors that kept me overweight. (If my whines had an alcohol content they would have been confiscated by the FDA for being too potent!)
The game changer for me was when I made my Shift and began to ask myself instead –“what do I want for myself—what do I want to create with my weight? My body? My quality of life?” –What in the heck do I truly want?? I certainly was a pro at know what I didn’t want but I was surprising unclear about if I could have it just the way I wanted it—truly—not just skinny—but how would my life supporting the thinner me look if I could have it the way I wanted it.
I discovered that by being really clear with my desires—such as feeling good in my body when I woke up in the morning—and then beginning to focus on ways to create that outcome—. I would find that eating less at night would make me feel better in the morning and that I was able to create that outcome! Wow that was cool. I can do this.
Sometimes the thing I desired was scary for me to think about—like exercising regularly. It was then I had to learn to connect more powerfully with myself—to create a way of communicating with myself that didn’t send me into shut down or overwhelm but I had to create a voice that was inviting—soothing yet challenging—more powerful. By focusing my brain on what I truly wanted I took myself out of Whine and into Divine and found the voice of my Inner Coach which is the part of me that has led me to long term weight release and beyond.
This year I am realizing more than ever is that what I truly want for my birthday isn’t the gifts and the cake (okay well a piece) but I want to connect even more powerfully with myself and others. When I look back at what I have gone through this last year and reflect on the milestones-- I see that everything I am really proud of are things that started from fear and whining but were transformed by my Inner Coaches problem solving into situations where I took back my power and moved forward into the unknown—even in the face of fear.
This coming year we are launching the Shift in a bigger way—a new web community is being created and the Shift in a Box will be available as a product and at Shift Parties. For me this vision is a dream come true and has been a direct result of me shifting my many whines “I don’t know how to build a widget and web community—that seems too HARD!” into the focusing on the divine “who do you need to be in order to build a fully functioning community website when you are a technologically terrified”. The difference between the whine and divine –the staying stuck and fear or creating a dream come true-- is how I connect and communicate with myself and where I am looking. Am I communicating with myself with my fearful Inner Critic or my powerful Inner Coach? Am I looking back at what I don’t want—or forward towards what I want to create??
So dear Shifters—where are you this week? With your Critic or with your Coach? Looking back or reaching forwards??
Coaching Point: When I started my weight release journey I knew where I wanted to go—to release weight but in a way where the change was coming from within me and not being enforced from outside of me by some diet. I started with a vision and excitement and set off on my path—not knowing that in order to achieve my vision the road would take longer and demand more of me than I thought I had in me. Who I needed to be in order to achieve long term permanent weight release was more powerful than who I was as I struggled up and down the scale 30-40 lbs. I needed to be consistent with exercise in a way that I never had before, I needed to nourish my body differently in a way that honored me so that I could stick with it, I needed to not listen to the Inner Critic who told me “you’ll never make it” and the Inner rebel who said “this is taking too long, life’s too short—don’t write down your food—and let’s eat cake. Instead I needed to create a strong, firm yet loving voice within me that said “you can do this, this is important, you can take back your power from food and old habits and thoughts that take your health and confidence away—you can do it!!”. Sound familiar to you?
On our journey to long term permanent weight release there are many stretching points along the way. They may feel to you like failure or plateaus or even frustration—but I challenge you this coming week to ask yourself the question—is where I am right now who I need to be in order to have long term permanent weight release and if not—what is the difference between me today and who I need to be to get there—and begin stretching into the gap. Is it making yourself and your health more of a priority? Is it finding the time to exercise consistently? Is it keeping certain foods out of your house or writing your food down? Is it Shifting out of the whiney “I don’t wanna” and into the divine, “Who do I need to be in order to achieve my ideal weight and stay there for the rest of my life?” voice??
Coaching for the week: Ask yourself, “Who do I need to be in order to achieve long term permanent weight release? Then begin focusing in that direction. Ask yourself, “Where can I change a whine into divine?” Where can I lovingly push myself past my fear and resistance and into more of who I really want and know I can be, more of who I need to be—not just for myself but for my family, my friends, my community, and the world?”
Next, I ask you to look at the gap between where you are now and where you need to be-- not as a huge crevasse waiting to swallow you into oblivion—but to see the space between here and there as your new front yard—a place that you can venture out and play in, to explore, to fall down and skin your knee but know you can always pick yourself up put a band-aid on and just keep going. See what you can surprise yourself with—how brave you can be—how adventurous, how divine.
My guess that the voice that you need to take you to where you want to go is not the voice of your Inner Critic or your Inner Rebel but the loving wise and wonderful voice of your Inner Coach. How much time can you spend with this powerful part of yourself this week truly connecting to yourself to move forward on your journey to long term permanent weight release? Remember the brain loves to more forward—the more you focus on the Inner Coach connection the less you hear the Critic and the Rebel. Work on this powerful connection this week and see what is truly possible for yourself.
Have a great week and remember Less Whine and more Divine!
oxoxRita
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