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Much Ado about “All or Nothing”
Hi Shifters,
Happy June! As summer approaches, often clients feel like these months are the best time to release weight. For some, the adage “Summer time and the weight release is easy” is absolutely true. The summer offers more free time for some, more sunlight to exercise, more fresh fruits and vegetables to munch on—it’s a weight release no brainer—or is it? What a lot of people fail to see is the challenges that summer may bring—the endless socializing at food events, the weekends away, the vacations, the relatives coming to stay, the lack of the structure of school or work—for some the summer becomes a time of weight gain and the end of the summer can’t come soon enough so that they can get back to releasing weight in the fall. I was one of those people the summer I gained 42 pounds trying to lose weight! That’s right, Fat Thinking (specifically “All or Nothing” thinking) literally drove my 42 pound weight gain one summer!!
This week I would like to offer you some cautionary coaching about Fat (All or Nothing) Thinking and how to recognize and avoid it in order to SHIFT into Thin Thinking in order to stay focused on the behaviors and beliefs that allow you to continue to release weight this summer. Because I believe that, beyond a shadow of a doubt ,you can achieve your weight release goal for the summer if you remain in Thin Thinking.
ALL OR NOTHING THINKIING
Fat Thinking is the habitual patterns of beliefs and behaviors that are driven by the Inner Critic and Rebel. The Critic and Rebel drive what is called “All or Nothing”, “Good or Bad”, “Right or Wrong” thinking.
Basically our Inner Critic has high expectations that we cannot live up to and causes us to stress out—(The “All” in the All or Nothing Thinking)—which then alerts the Inner Rebel to come to our rescue to shut down these feelings of anxiety and inadequacy by removing us from the expectations—usually with disconnecting with food (the “Nothing” in the “All or Nothing” thinking).
DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME
When I arrived home to Seattle for the summer from my freshman year at New York University, I was excited; I was back home, I had three months of no school, I had a great job lined up, my brother was getting married and I was making his wedding cake! Fun times were ahead!!
I would also like to mention I was thin-ish. That’s right thin-ish. After gaining weight over Christmas break when I was home, I had diligently lost most all of the weight I gained (about 25 pounds) over the spring term by eating very little and exercising a lot. I was almost at a weight that satisfied me—but not quite. I wanted to take off another 10 in the first couple of weeks of the summer so that I could be bikini ready (well Seattle’s version of it) –I still felt like I was not presentable at this weight—I was not SUMMER THIN RITA. So even though I was thin-ish, my Fat Thinking was already beginning—BIG UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS and LACK OF SELF ACCEPTANCE driven by my Inner Critic in “All” mode!
My first obstacle to the SUMMER THIN RITA was my mom and her kitchen that, unlike my austere starving student dorm room, was stocked with every food imaginable. She wanted to mother her prodigal daughter and so made my favorites for the first few nights I was home. I tried to “be good” and eat just the little salad on my plate but the aroma of the “real food” was too much. I ate and immediately felt bad which sent me into the “screw it, I already blew it for the weekend I will start again on Monday” Inner Rebel Driven “Nothing” mode. Not only did I eat seconds and thirds of my mom’s amazing cooking but I also raided all the cupboards giving myself permission to eat all that I had missed while I was starving in NYC until Monday when I would go back to starving myself.
I got on the scale Monday—yikes—up 3 pounds!! “Okay back in “ALL” MODE. I will come home from work and exercise for an hour and a half and eat a salad and get back on track!!!” My Inner Critic screamed at me. For a few days I was diligent, but then I had to start testing the cake that I was making for my brother’s wedding. One bite of cake led to more bites which lead to frosting and the I BLEW IT—"NOTHING" MODE—it was Wednesday and NOTHING lasted until the cake testing ended—Sunday!! Up another few pounds on Monday!
I started work that week at an Italian Deli at Pike’s Place Market. I had worked at an Italian Deli in NYC as a cashier and never really had to handle to food. I was happy as I headed off to work, to have some structure, and not be tempted by my mom’s kitchen all day long. My new plan to lose the now 8 pounds I had gained was to drink coffee in the morning and nothing else all day long, come home and exercise and eat a salad for dinner—no dressing. Easy! "ALL" THINKING BACK IN ACTION
When I got to my new job, I found out that I was in charge of the bakery section and that I would be doling out the amazing muffins, scones and Italian bread and pastries. All of a sudden my day job turned into a stimulus control nightmare gone wrong—I was handling carbohydrates all day long. Instead of eating nothing I said to myself—“well, I will try everything once and then be done with it—no more I swear no more after today!” "NOTHING" MODE fueled by amazing Italian carbohydrates!
I found myself switching back and forth, back and forth from ALL or NOTHING mode faster than you could say “Fat Thinking”. I was now up 10 pounds, becoming miserable, and more and more desperate. My brother’s wedding was in a month and I wanted to lose 20 pounds for the dress I had bought and I still had to bake and frost a wedding cake for 120 guests! I would start an all fruit diet in the morning and be gorging on frosting by the night. Instead of being down in weight, every week I was going up. All the reasons I had been excited for the summer—the wedding, being away from school and being home, making the wedding cake, were all turning against me. Most of all I was turning against myself. I hated myself for lacking willpower and not being able to follow through on my plans for SUMMER THIN RITA. SUMMER THIN RITA was up 20 pounds by the time my brother said, “I do”—and SUMMER FAT RITA was saying, “I do” to all the fattening foods on offer at the wedding.
Of course once the wedding was over I had now a new goal—AUTUMN THIN RITA!!! Since being thin for the summer was a wash--I had to get back in shape before I flew back to NYC in September. The Monday after the wedding my hopes were high for releasing 20 lbs in the remaining 5 weeks—that was doable right?? The “ALL” THINKING EXTRAVAGANZA was quickly and habitually followed by the or “NOTHING” THINKING FESTIVAL.
Every week there was a new hope and extreme goal and “ALL” THINKING plan for regimented austerity eating: the banana diet, the turkey only diet, the water and lemon diet, the 300 calorie a day diet. Every week there was the moment of reaching for a food that was not on my plan followed by the “I blew it” NOTHING PLAN where I would eat anything and everything including frozen leftover wedding cake—that had not been thawed!!!
By the end of the summer I headed back to NYC up the scale 42 pounds and absolutely devastated with myself. How could I be such a failure? How humiliating to have to face my friends again 40 pounds up after having left them 3 months ago 42 pounds thinner?
This is where Fat Thinking can take us. Fat thinking not only robs us of our potential to be healthy, but more importantly, it takes our true inner power away. When we get stuck in the habit of “All or Nothing” thinking ,it is impossible to find a true solution to our weight struggle. We live life in two gears—1: Chicken and Broccoli or 2: Pizza and Ice Cream. There is no middle ground. There is no opportunity to truly honor ourselves and our real needs.
How do we escape this prison of our Fat Thinking??? That “summer of 42” was 28 summers ago and it took me another 10 years of Fat Thinking yo-yoing to finally hit the wall and say enough!!! I am tired of this head I live in—I need out! I finally realized that the problem wasn’t with me not being able to be perfect on a diet—the problem was the “being perfect” and “the diet”—I was okay. I just needed to focus on thinking differently and to really learn to show up for myself and nourish myself within the energy needs of my body. I had to Shift the heck out of this Fat Thinking prison and Shift into the wide open freedom of possibility that Thin Thinking was. That realization was when I made my Shift and took the weight off and have kept it off ever since. You can Thin Think too this summer!
THIN THINKING INSTEAD
Thin Thinking occurs when we engage our Inner Coach. Unlike the Critic and Rebel our Inner Coach has the ability to keep our thinking focused on solving problems, meeting challenges and creating systems and strategies that work for us over time.
Here are some ways to stay in Thin Thinking with your Inner Coach—think S.P.O.R.T. this summer.
Specific: Create a specific vision of where you would like to be by the end of the summer—it is very important that this vision feels real and do-able—not anxiety provoking and unattainable.
Positive: Keep all things that happen this summer to you in positive terms. Meaning that even if you stray from your goals—find the learning opportunity in what has happened figure out how to SHIFT things next time—so that you are always moving forward and not “starting over Monday” no matter what you do.
Observable: Remember—as a Shifter you are a loving scientist—observe yourself and your behaviors. Collect data (track your weight and food), keep things in reality—this is a huge factor in many master’s success. Bring a notebook with you and track those vacation calories—or use the Lose It app on your phone.
Realistic: Remember to keep your expectations of what you can achieve realistic. We can’t lose 20 pounds in a week! Or even a month! You will know when your expectations are in a good place when you feel good and not stressed! Keep your goals with weight release do-able and definable.
Time: Give yourself the right amount of time to achieve your goals and give yourself time to make yourself a priority. Summer is a time when many of us fall prey to taking care of others; kids off from school, relatives coming to stay, the many parties and events that owning a BBQ brings. Make sure you carve out time for self care, meal planning and exercise!
Being SPORTY will keep you in the Thin Thinking Zone and will bring you a summer that produces not only a healthy body but a healthy mindset that gives you your power back as well and that is much ado about SOMETHING!!
Put some SPORT in your SHIFT and kick off the summer with a vision that engages that wise and wonderful Inner Coach in you.
Have a Shifted week and a Powerful Summer!
oxox Rita
There are 3 placed left in the June 12th Re-Shift if you would like to come and get into Thin Thinking for the summer. Call me for details and discounts. I would love for you to join us.
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