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Hi
Shifters—
I just
got back from a weekend in Seattle where I attended my 30th High School
Reunion. What a wonderful time it was and it so great to really connect with
old friends—(that term "old friend", at 30 years past high school, now
has a double meaning). I was lucky too because the weather was gorgeous, which
it often is not, so I was able to wear the sleeveless dress that I had brought
(see photo of me with 2 of my dearest friends from High School--Mike and Melissa).
Why
is going sleeveless in Seattle at my 30th reunion such a big deal? Let me
explain…
As
many of you know I struggled with my weight all through high school and this
struggle led to low self esteem, body image issues and being trapped in the
yo-yo diet syndrome--fun times at Roosevelt High!! As my weight struggle
continued past graduation I developed this little compulsive tick that often
accompanies body image issues called "body checking" or “appearance
checking”. This is the compulsion to check a certain part of your body in the
mirror or in reflections (example store windows) many times over the course of
the day.
For
years I was obsessed with my arms--I thought my arms were way too big and
flabby and whenever I would go sleeveless I would have to check my arms in a
mirror constantly to make sure they were "okay" or
"acceptable". Of course in reality my arms were acceptable but
obviously my relationship with myself in relation to my arms was horrible. Maybe
some of you can relate as "body checking" is quite a common
compulsion.
So, getting
back to my reunion and going Sleeveless in Seattle. I spoke with a lot of old
friends at the reunion and we agreed that the first few reunions were a lot
about externals--looking good, proving that you are "making it", that
you have succeeded. Also, in addition to
showing off to others, we were looking for our own approval based on what we
believed we "should" be in the world. Kind of like a dog chasing his
tail--you try and try, going round and round to please yourself against
unrealistic standards and only end up biting yourself in your own butt!
I
missed my 10 year reunion because I was stuck in my weight struggle and didn't
want to go. I missed out on connecting with my fellow classmates because I
thought they would judge me harshly and think I was a loser. Little did I
realize that the harshest judge was the one sitting in my own heart and that I was a loser, but not because of how I
looked, but because I was missing the essential key to happiness—a healthy
relationship with myself.
When
I made my own SHIFT not long after my 10 year reunion, one of the ways I healed
my relationship with myself was to end my body checking compulsion. Stopping this compulsion took a real
conscious effort but it was a gift that I decided to give to myself now that I
was getting healthy both in body and in mind.
Here
is the 3 step cognitive technique I used to break the habit of body checking—if
you suffer from this—give it a try:
1)
If the urge to check your body part comes up--TAKE A BREATH--The breath creates a break in the pattern long
enough for your voice of reason (what I call "the Inner Coach") to
step in.
2)
Label the urge. "Oh there is that urge to go check my arms in
the mirror to make sure they are alright". Labeling the urge repositions
the thought in your mind not as reality but as an observation of a
thought--thereby weakening the thought's power over you.
3)
Reframe yourself to yourself:
What this step requires is that you focus yourself on what you want to create
and start imaging that as already coming true.
If you can conceive it and believe it, you can achieve it.
For example “Oh there is that urge
to check my arms but now I am a person who accepts their arms for what they are
and loves them and therefore I don’t need to look at them right now.
You
may need to keep repeating this exercise many times before you break the habit,
but eventually you will and you will feel very free!
Enjoy
this coming week and enjoy going sleeveless in whatever you do.
Oxox
Rita
P.S. Please consider
joining us for the upcoming Saturday Online Class Support Series beginning this
Saturday—we are focusing on how to Super Charge Your Drive to Achieve Your
Ideal Weight—check out the link below.
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