Dear Shifters,
Ever wonder why you tell yourself to do something like, “I am going to get out and exercise tomorrow morning!” and you really, really mean it and your intentions are so good, and boy, oh boy, tomorrow is really going to be the start of a new life of exercise and your alarm goes off and …you hit the snooze and go back to sleep? And so the next night you say, “Tomorrow morning I am not going to be lazy! I am going to do it. I soooooooo mean it! I am so getting up and exercising!” and tomorrow morning comes and your alarm goes off and …you hit the snooze and go back to sleep..AGAIN??? Ever wonder why that happens?
Do you remember the Charlie Brown cartoon episodes where the teacher speaks in the classroom and all you hear is “Wah, Wah Wah”? Or the Far Side comics with the hilarious drawing of the dog and its owner saying, “Go get the ball SPOT, go on SPOT get it!” to the dog and all the dog hears is “blablahblahblah SPOT blahblahSPOTblah!!!” That’s kind of what your unconscious mind does when you tell it to do something that it is not used to doing. It really doesn’t hear you. For any new change to occur, we need compliance by both the conscious and unconscious mind.
That’s why this week’s coaching is “Do ask—Don’t Tell”.
I employ a tool called THINK OVERS. THINK OVERS is a tool that you can use to activate your unconscious mind. THINK OVERS are simply thinking a challenging food or exercise situation through in your imagination before you actually are in the situation—imagining the specifics of the outcome you want. This helps your brain create a cognitive map ahead of time of what you like to occur. This is particularly helpful for situations where we find ourselves in Inner Rebel reaction mode—acting out unconsciously. Situations like parties or restaurants-- even thinking through getting out of bed in the morning to exercise are great places to use THINK OVERS ahead of time.
I want to emphasize that THINK OVERS work best when you ask yourself questions and don’t just tell yourself. For instance, when you tell yourself “I am going to wake up tomorrow and exercise for an hour!” nothing at all happens in the unconscious neural pathways. Nothing is engaged because what you are commanding is change and our unconscious resists change!!. The Inner Rebel in your unconscious mind raises his or her head and says, “What? I don’t think so!” and goes back to sleep. There has been nothing to seduce the Inner Rebel to be on your team-- to take the contrary action of hopping out of bed and getting physical, instead of hitting the snooze button, which is what usually happens.
Let’s look at using a THINK OVER in the same situation. I start with a question—“How am I going to make exercise happen tomorrow morning? Next, I visualize myself in bed in the morning—I imagine the alarm rings –and ask myself the question—“What am I going to do when the alarm rings?” Answer: “I will stop it and put my feet on the floor.” I visualize myself putting my feet on the floor, “What am I going to wear?”—I see myself getting my walking outfit on—“How long am I going to exercise for?” Answer: “An hour”-my unconscious retort? “An hour doesn’t feel doable” My revised answer, “How about 45minutes?”—Unconscious agreement: “Okay”—I visualize myself heading out of the house and listening to music and greeting the morning feeling good, vibrant and in tune with myself as I feet hit the pavement. My THINK OVER is over and I am ready to wake up tomorrow and really engage in some exercise.
THINK OVERs are very effective ways to break out of old habits syndromes. Try one today. Okay, when are you going to try one today? What will that look like? You catch my drift. The best coaches in the world don’t tell their clients what to do. They ask their clients what is the outcome they desire and engage them in imagining how they are going to create that outcome. Coaches engage you in engaging your inner problem solving mechanism—they engage you in becoming the million dollar Inner Coach!
So next time you want to create a new behavior and haven’t been able to get compliance with yourself—ASK, don’t TELL and engage a THINK OVER. You will feel the SHIFT right away.
Have a great week…I mean, how will you have a great Shifted week?
oxox Rita
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