Shift Weekly: Inner Chocolate

Dear Shifters,

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I wish each and everyone of you a day where you take pause to love yourself, admire yourself and be smitten with just how wonderful you are.  I have chosen one of my favorite coaching stories to share with you today in order to illuminate  that the true thing you can celebrate every single day (not just Valentine’s Day) is your connectedness to yourself and the voice of your Inner Coach who is guiding you to the biggest celebration of all—long term permanent weight release.  I hope you enjoy today’s coaching session.

The Inner Chocolate

I have always disliked Valentine’s Day.

As a child I hated the pressure to get as many Valentine envelopes at school—for some reason I always seemed to lag behind the more popular girls who seemed to have a bag brimming with special card and candies from all of their admirers.

As a teenager who didn’t really date (did I not have  any boyfriends because of my weight or did I not put myself out there because of my weight—not sure what is more true) I always felt particularly undated, alone and unloved.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I was a waitress.  Waitressing helped pay for college and after college as I started out in the world.  I always had to work on Valentine’s Day as a waitress because it was the most busy restaurant day of the year.

 As a waitress, you get to see Valentine’s Day from the inside out because these are the times that everyone has to “go out and have a good time with that special someone”.  Talk about high expectations run amuck!!!  The pressure to have good time on this day forces everyone out to restaurants where they are paying twice for what they are getting, the restaurants are packed, the wait staff over worked and surly (that’s me), and I swear I have never seen so many miserable faces on lovers as on Valentine’s Day where the pressure to be lovey-dovey forces every one into a state of “gotta squeeze all of the love of the year into one night” panic. 

I remember one Valentine’s Night in particular that stands out because I learned a really amazing lesson about stimulus control.  It was the mid-eighties and I was working as a cocktail waitress/coat-check girl at this really old and famous steakhouse in Manhattan called “The Old Homestead”—yes there was a huge statue of a steer over the front door.  The owners of this place in the meat-packing district were a couple of real charmers—real Tony Soprano types.  They were always telling me, “Honey, go put on some make-up” or “honey if you’d lose some weight you might just be hot”.  Gee thanks guys—did you ever look in the mirror at your not-so-slim physiques?  Anyways, I was young and overweight and fell prey to feeling horrible whenever they made these remarks—especially since I was single and feeling fat and unlovable.

So on this Valentine’s night everyone is coming across the bridge or under the tunnel from New Jersey to eat a pound of prime rib and make phony goo-goo eyes at their Missus across the table.  I was up to my ears in mink coats in the coat-check room and starving because I had been dieting for the last four days.  I was on some new diet, a drink in the morning a drink at night and a potato at lunch—you know the score. Tsu Tsu the skinny leopard skin clad hostess comes up to me and motions with her long three-inch nails to come with her.  “Honey, they want you in the gourmet shop—the girl got sick and you have to stand in for her”.   She shoves me into a room filled with boxes and boxes of Godiva chocolate.  “Sales are down honey, and we gotta move this chocolate—do whatever you can—Valentine’s Day—IT’S ALL ABOUT THE CHOCOLATE!!!”

So it’s me, starving and unloved standing amidst a mountain of chocolate.  Hmmm and there, right beside the register is a tray of sample chocolate truffles.  My stomach rumbled and I moved away, trying to stay busy because nobody was coming into the shop.  I smoked some cigarettes (yes this was NYC in the 80’s and you not only could smoke but were encouraged to do so—it was called defensive smoking).  I smoked and cleaned but still the chocolate samples called to me and my Inner Rebel said, “hey you could just have a nibble—you have been so good and that potato you ate at lunch was so small”, so I reached over and very delicately took a bite. I tasted all of the creamy gooeyness of the chocolate and for a second the gourmet shop and the horrible owners and the minks and platters of prime rib all faded into the background—for a fleeting truffle second.  But then I was back, in the musky gourmet shop and I had the taste and I wanted more—I wanted to be transported back to that place of peace—my sacred chocolate space.  So I took another bite and another, but I couldn’t get it back—that place that the first bite had taken me to.  All I got now was more sugar gushing in my system and a guilty feeling in my soul, “why am I doing this?”  Half the plate of truffles was gone—I had eaten them down in a dark chocolate frenzy.  I smoked another cigarette--hoping that would make me feel better—it only made me feel worse—the sugary chocolate earthy taste now mixed with the smoky nicotine.  I felt sick but had no choice-- I had better eat some more chocolate to get the yucky cigarette taste out.  I ate a few more bites, really in the depths of physical and mental despair—when a beautiful older woman stepped into the store.

She was the type of woman that you think of when you think classy New York broad.  She was beautifully dressed, elegant, slim and sophisticated. I muttered a muffled hello, half a chocolate still in my mouth.  She looked around the room at all the different chocolates in all of the different cases.  She pointed to a heart shape one with a walnut filling and asked me, very politely for it.

I gave it to her.  She looked at it, smelled it, and smiled. “I used to love these things,” she said to me as she paid for it.

“Why don’t you get more?” I asked—Tsu Tsu’s voice ringing in my ears-sell the chocolate! , “I mean it is Valentine’s Day”

“Actually,” she replied, “I won’t even eat this one.”

“Huh?”  I wasn’t quite sure of her logic and my sugar induced insulin surge was making me dizzy.

“You see,” she explained, “I used to eat quite a lot of these, in fact so many that I weighed eighty pounds more than I do now.  Then one day I decided that I had had enough.  That even though they tasted divine, the moment of pleasure I got was not worth all of the agony they caused me being overweight.  So I stopped eating these and all the other sugary foods that I ate.”

“So why did you buy one then?”

“To remind myself that I have a choice, I could choose to eat this, but what I get from being thin is much richer and far more decadent”

“So you’re buying it but not going to eat it?”

“Yes, because I have come to realize that even the best chocolate in the world, is not as good as the feeling I get knowing that I am staying true to myself and my desire to be slim and healthy. Thank you for the chocolate, I have really enjoyed it—not eating it that is”. She threw the chocolate in the trash, turned and left.  I thought about her logic and how strange it was at the time.  I figured well, just another eccentric Manhattanite coming in to add to my surreal Valentine’s Day reality.  I did, however, follow her lead and dumped the rest of the chocolates from the sample plate into the trash and immediately felt better! Once the mind has made a decision with 100% of itself, it’s amazing how easy it is to disengage from things that seem to have power over you.  I made the decision not to eat any more truffles, the desire lifted and I could sit amongst the Godivas like they were mothballs for the rest of the night.

Now all of these years later, having Shifted and made my journey to where I am now—I understand that woman’s logic.  As I am surrounded by chocolates and candies every holiday season (monthly!), I see them in a different light.  I do not see them as a source of love, or temptation, or as my sacred space as they used to be—I see them as chocolates—which I could choose to eat or not to-- it’s up to me—it’s a decision.

So this next upcoming holiday season I urge you to make a decision—ahead of time—what your relationship with chocolate will be before you get shoved into a room full of Godiva on an empty stomach.  I invite you to make your holidays about practicing stimulus control and staying connected to your Inner Coach and by doing so you give yourself not only the gift of staying connected—but others get to be connected to you as well.  This feeling can become a sacred space that you create that lasts a lot longer and feels a lot better than any fleeting enjoyment you would get from any chocolate or anything else for that matter outside of you—because this feeling comes from inside of you.  It’s yours for keeps—so it’s truly special and doesn’t melt in your hand when it gets too hot!

Have wonderful Shifted Valentine’s Day!

 ox Rita

Shift Weekly: Monkey See, Monkey Eat

Coming this Saturday: “How do we create boundaries with ourselves and others?” February 11^th Shift Saturday Support group 10-11:30 at the 5455 Wilshire Office—Floor 21 Cost $25 Please contact Rita if you plan to come.

Dear Shifters,

I am going to start this week by repeating myself.  Yes that’s right –here goes—“weight management success is two thirds stimulus control”.  For those of you that have been reading my weekly emails for awhile, forgive me, but I honestly feel I could say it every day for the rest of my life and I would not be saying it enough.  I may even have to have it as my epitaph when they finally lay me to rest in my final Shift place.  “Here lays Rita Black and she would just like you to know that the path to weight loss and weight management is two thirds stimulus control!”

When we Shift and begin to practice the winning skills of long term weight management this skill –keeping tempting and trigger foods out of your daily environments—stands out as one of the most effective and yet challenging of the 9 Skills.  Why?  Because, when it comes to keeping our world “stimulus-free”, we are not always in total control of our environments.

For example, as a mother of two children and someone who has been maintaining a weight loss for 18 years I keep my home relatively free of gak (the Shift word for junk food, fast food and food devoid of any nutritional value).  No that doesn’t mean you will only find tofu and kale in my refrigerator and jars of sprouted grains in my cupboard, but I mean if the foods that I bring into my home, for the most part support me in reaching for the foods that nourish me and my family, but also allow me to feel like a I am living a full and tasty life of my dreams. 

However, every once in a while I open a cupboard in my house and I find some “thing” there that my husband has bought on a whim and I have to “deal” with it.  You see, my husband gets carried away by free samples.  Every week he takes our kids to piano lessons on Saturday and next to the music center is a small gourmet shop with samples.  He eats the sample, his eyes roll back in his head in a gourmet food induced trance, and he buys the thing that is on sale.  He may not even really like it, but he buys it because that is what his brain is programmed to do (I think he is not alone).  He then comes home and puts the free sample thing in this cupboard in our kitchen.  Like clockwork I find the purchase and say “why did you buy this gak?” and he will say “it was on sale and I thought it could be a treat for the kids”.  I sigh because I know 90% of what he buys the kids won’t touch and neither will my husband once he has bought it—he has moved on to more free samples out there in the world and I am stuck at the cupboard with the thing he has bought.  Generally the “thing” stays unopened and will eventually get thrown away by me.  Stimulus control rule #1—an unopened container is a lot less tempting than an opened one.  Rule #2 get it out of sight. 

Occasionally the “thing” gets opened and if it turns out to be a trigger food for me I have to deal with it.  Like the other week he bought these chocolate covered dried fruits.  At first I saw them I said, “honey you know these are a trigger food for me”.  He replied, “Oh, I forgot—sorry.  I thought, chocolate is good for you and so is dried fruit so how could you wrong?”  I popped a few in my mouth as a sort of victim of my husband’s gesture—“see what you made me do—shame on you for tempting me” and walked away and got on with my day.  But later that night—the ‘things” in the cupboard began to call to me from across my home and I found myself back at the cupboard having a “relationship” with the chocolate covered fruit.  I popped a few more in my mouth, walked away and then went back.  The third time back at the cupboard I thought to myself “you no longer have power over them—they have power over you—get rid of them. ”  So I did, I took the chocolate covered fruit and threw them in the trash and then walked away, having taken my power back by practicing the amazing skill of stimulus control.

Nine times out of ten when a client has lost focus and gained some weight it is due to a stimulus control issue.  So how do we practice stimulus control?  How do we know a food is a trigger food? Trigger foods are those foods that call our name.  We know a food has an addictive hold on us if we eat one and won’t stop until the bag, the box, the whole thing is gone.  Like I knew the chocolate covered fruits were a trigger food for me—despite my husband’s claims that they were “healthy”.  Sometimes our attachment is emotional, sometimes addictive—mostly both.  What matters the most is not the why but the how.  How do I create a new shifted relationship with this food?

Stimulus Control Rule 1: Keep your trigger foods (or drink) out of house.

Stimulus Control Rule 2: Define times and places that consuming your trigger foods is safe I call this creating a loving boundary.

Loving Boundary

Example: If your trigger food is ice cream—you can't stop eating the ice cream till the carton is done—well this habit probably isn’t going to serve your long term permanent weight release so maybe you can create a new habit with ice cream with a loving boundary:—Loving boundary: "Once a week I can have a scoop of my favorite at the ice cream parlor" maybe you go as far to look up the ice cream calories on line and see that one scoop of  rocky road is 250 calories and you make it work calorically for you on that day—so that you can have ice cream but still remain within your calorie budget for weight release. 

With Valentine’s Day and the week of waxy cheap chocolate around the corner, (as well as really amazing chocolate) I coach you to deal with the outer sweets with some inner sweetness first—meaning connecting with your Inner Coach and asking yourself—how am I going to manage the stimulus control of the Valentine’s sugar fest and make a plan for success?  Ask your friends, family, students, children, co-workers, or clients not to buy you sweets (or keep them wrapped and donate them to a charity of your choice—probably not the American Diabetes Association thoughJ).  Make a plan for keep the sweets, sugar and chocolate out of your house.  If you do want some chocolate for VD day—great, plan for it and eat it in a “safe zone” out of any environment that triggers you to eat.

What trigger foods are in your environment today??  How can you practice stimulus control with them?  Should you get rid of them or can you create a loving boundary with them??  When you start taking back you power from your environments instead of falling victim to it day in and day out—that’s when you will begin to feel more masterful and confident that you can take the weight off and keep it off for good.

Have a great week!! Please come Saturday to the support group--we will be discussing how do we say "no" to ourselves and others in powerful and effective ways.

Ox Rita

Shift Weekly: The “Con” Artist

Hi Shifters,

Shift Kids Organization Run February 5^th—come run or walk to help raise money for Shift Kids 7:30 am in Redondo Beach— right now we are raising money for the Shift Kid’s Website for kids and their parents—to have a resource  for support and information to fight childhood obesity.  If you can’t make it and want to donate anyways please click this link and you can donate to Shift kids via Pay Pal or credit card—any amount makes a difference. Thanks! 

http://shiftweightmastery.com/ShiftKids.html  (all donations are tax deductable)

This week, in honor of the movie “The Artist” that has just been nominated for an Academy Award, I will reflect briefly on the “The Con Artist” that lives within each person who struggles with their weight.   You know the one I am talking about?  The voice within that keeps us from truly being successful in the long run with weight release because this Con Artist is so good at “the con” that he or she convinces us that what they are saying is actually the truth instead of a bunch of fearful or resigned beliefs that have been repeated over and over again like a very bad commercial until we buy it hook, line and sinker.  The sad thing is, is that the Con Artist keeps us from connecting to the more powerful voice within ourselves that can lead us to long term permanent weight release.

In order to achieve your weight goals in the long run, I invite you to develop the habit recognizing this “Con Artist” at work and stopping them before they stop you.

1)    Notice the Con

The Con Artist may be clever but not too original.  The way we con and dis-empower ourselves, fortunately sounds pretty much the same all the time so it is easy to tune in, hear the con and recognize—“hey I am conning myself”.  Here are some examples this master of disguises may use:

The Resigned Con

-“What’s the use—I am always going to be overweight.”

-“It’s too much work for too little return.  I am too lazy to try”

-“Nobody else cares, why should I?”

The Seductive Con

-“Go on, life is too short, you can start again tomorrow.”

-“Why do they get to eat that and you don’t.  It doesn’t seem fair does it?”

-“Focusing on your weight is so boring and a little vain.  Relax, just have fun!”

-“You bought it, you may as well eat it.”

-“It’s free food, you can’t pass up free food…”

The Overwhelmed Con

-“I don’t have time!”

-“I don’t have the right stuff to wear”

“Nobody supports me—it’s too hard!”

Sometime, like the nominated movie, this Con Artist is silent and we might not hear the con but we feel it because we feel bad—anxious, guilty, out of line with ourselves.  At this point take a breath and ask yourself—“what is the con going on here?” and guess what—that silent movie quickly turns into a talkie!

2)    Catch the Con

Once you have recognized the con, take a breath, and separate yourself out from the “Con Artist”.  You are not the “Con Artist” but you have just developed this inner voice over time to protect you in some way.  The problem is that the con is not protecting you anymore—it’s hurting you and keeping you from your weight release goals and full potential.  Catching the “con artist” may look something like this:

Shift Breath: “Hey I hear you –you think we don’t have time to be healthy, that’s a good one con artist, but actually it takes more time to be unhealthy--think of how much time I spend worrying about my weight, how I look, my health—it takes less time to be healthy than unhealthy!”

3)    Shift or Cure the Con

What you want to do now is creating a dialog with the limiting belief and reframing its power in your mind—moving it from the old place of “overwhelm” into the place of “problem to be solved”.

“So maybe I feel right now that I don’t have time, but I know my health and weight release is a priority.  I am going to have to re-look at my time and figure out a way to make time for what is important.  I see that in the past this con has kept me from taking this step—but now I see the opportunity to begin taking steps in the right direction.  I will find more time.”

Every time you do this you begin poking holes in the power of the con artist within you and begin moving yourself closer to being a powerful master of weight release.

Okay Shifters!  I hope this brief coaching session has served you.  This year, instead of the award going to the “con Artist” have the award for best Shift go to your inner problem solver instead—the Inner Coach!

oxoxRita

http://shiftweightmastery.com/ShiftKids.html  (all donations are tax deductable)

Shift Weekly: "Are You Ready to Love Yourself Down the Scale?" QUIZ

Dear Shifters,

If you struggle with "Night Eating" and are available this coming Saturday the 28th, please join us for the Shift Saturday Support group from 10-11:30--the focus will be to curb the urge to be an "eater of the night".  The cost is $25 for the session and it is in my conference room on floor 21 of the Wilshire office.  Please call or email to reserve your seat.

Happy Monday!  I hope you had a great weekend.  Thank you for creating a great January Shift (and ReShift) those of you who participated. 

Two weekends ago a dear friend treated my daughter and myself for a weekend away--boy was that a great time--fun, relaxing, and much a needed treat.  I have to admit, as a full-time working mom one of my most guilty pleasures is sitting poolside with trashy magazines like People and US--once I get absorbed in their utter fluffiness I find it almost hard to put down (I binge on trashy magazines!--oh well, better than eating crap or smoking which is what I would have been doing instead 18 years ago). Please find my Shift version of the Cosmo Quiz below (have fun and imagine you are poolside while taking it).

 The “Are You Ready to Love yourself Down the Scale?” Quiz

Please answer the following multiple choice questions.

1) I will give myself permission to be proud of myself:

a. After I have lost 10 lbs.

b. When I reach my ideal weight.

c. Today—no matter what the number on the scale reads.

2) I have struggled with my weight because:

a. I am deeply flawed both mentally and physically.

b. I have no self control—I love to eat and drink—life is a par-tay!  Dieting is hard!

 c. I have always looked for the answers outside of myself instead of trusting that I hold the key that would unlock the answers and free me from the struggle once and for all.  I am ready to take back my power from the old beliefs and behaviors that have kept me struggling.  I see now that they are not me. I have the infinite potential to be my own best weight release coach and to coach myself powerfully down the scale and keep myself there because I am finally making the necessary Shift from within me.

3) In order for me to reach my ideal weight I will need to:

a. Starve myself and exercise excessively.

b. Take diet drugs, have a lobotomy, and have my mouth wired shut.

c. Learn to show up for myself and connect with my wise Inner Coach who can lead me down the scale in a masterful way.  I know I can learn a way of staying within my body’s energy needs for weight release and maintenance that honors me and my lifestyle and my taste and food preferences.  I also know that this is something that I am creating internally and laying a powerful foundation for—so the changes can be lasting.

4) What is required for you to maintain long term permanent weight release?

a. Being perfect all the time.

b. Cloistering myself away in a tower isolated from friends, families, parties, social gatherings, restaurants, and anything fun for the rest of my life.

c. Consistently showing up for myself, connecting to my Inner Coach with a powerful vision and engaging in the 9 Skills (the mindset and skill set of weight mastery).

5) What is the best part of your journey to weight release??

a. Getting thin—is there anything else that is important??

b. When it is over and I can eat again!!!

c. Learning to truly take care of myself from the inside out.  Knowing that there is no better feeling than staying connected to myself and accepting myself every step along the way.  Learning lessons about myself and my relationship to food and exercise and even myself and then learning new strategies that help me feel more effective and confident in those areas where I used to have so much pain and struggle.  Being aligned with myself, my health goals, and my life goals and knowing I am always moving forward powerfully on my journey to mastery even on days when things don’t go as well as I had planned.   Feeling masterful in an area of my life that I never thought I would feel masterful.  Feeling SHIFTED!!!

If your answers are mostly “ a”:

 -Right now you are listening more to your Inner Critic than your Inner Coach.  You probably feel that the only way to lose weight is to be perfect and deprive yourself.  There is a part of you that doesn’t trust you or your ability to lose weight on your own.  In order to love yourself down the scale you will need to realize that this harsh voice is not you but one that has been created over time by your weight struggle.  The more you get conscious of this aspect of yourself, separate from it, and begin to listen to the voice of your Inner Coach the more you can really attain power and freedom and love yourself every pound down the scale.  Go for it, you are worth it!!!

If your answers are mostly “b”

-You have been falling victim to the wild, rebellious and resigned Inner Rebel.  This is the part of you who really believes that losing weight is a sacrifice because you have to give up all of life’s pleasures and fun.  Your Inner Rebel is invested in the limiting beliefs that food is the answer for most of life’s problems and that comfort and fun = food, food, food, and probably fatty, salty, sweet food at that.  What a great relief it will be for your Inner Rebel when you start having fun and living life to the fullest without stuffing yourself, your feelings, or problems with food.  What a great joy it will be to realize that life’s greatest pleasures come from truly nourishing yourself from the inside out with soothing thoughts and healthy habits as well as great food.  Your Inner Rebel just needs to have the guidance from your Inner Coach to get things Shifting in the right direction.  Let’s get that Shifting Par-tay started, eh, Inner Rebel??

If your answers are mostly “c”

-Congratulations, you are already connecting powerfully with your Inner Coach!  As you continue your journey to long term weight release you will enjoy the rewards of finally taking your power back from limiting thoughts and behaviors that kept you in the painful weight struggle.  Now you can show up for yourself and love yourself every pound down the scale and finally own your weight release once and for all.

Have a Shifted Week!

oxox Rita

Shift Weekly: Do You Have a Dream?

Dear Shifters,

Happy Martin Luther King Day!  I am including one of my favorite coaching about dreams in honor of the great man.  Have a great day and don’t forget to have a dream. (Read below)

BTW The Shift Weight Mastery Process and Re-Shift (coming up this Saturday) are almost full.  Please let me know if you are still interested or remind those friends and family that are interested to get in touch with me so that we can get them started. 323 988 4574.  Thanks!!

Do You Have Dream?  Don’t Wait for it to Come True

Is there life after we reach our goal weight?

Is it better, dreamier, more fulfilling?

Do the heavens open up and size 4 angels float down and strum harps the moment the digital scale readout lets you know---YOU’VE WON!  You’re skinny!  You’re one of us!  You’re in the in club!  You’ve made to that place where life is sweeter, the clothes fit righter, the sex is better, the jobs are more interesting, and people are always nice to you. 

Hmm…that ideal scenario depends a lot on how, and who you are, when you get there.

As I have mentioned, before I made my shift my weight often neared or was even less than what I weigh now as I dieted and deprived myself for years. But I was far from a success—I was miserable and I still hated myself and had zero trust in myself as a person who had any skills to maintain whatever weight loss I had achieved.  In fact, whenever I hit my “goal”, I got scared.  The diet was over, the obsessive goal attained—now what?  I have to live with myself? Yikes! I can’t do that! Even though I was skinny Inner Critic and Inner Rebel ran my show—where was the real Rita in all of this mess? Who the hell knew!  Talk about inner oppression!

All of a sudden I got very hungry and that void that I had been filling with icky diet food hollered out for cake and hamburgers and whatever was fattening.  “Don’t even think about anything with a vegetable in it!”—the void would spew at me.  Fill me up or else!  And I did, rather than have to face the life I avoided while trying to get skinny—I would comply eagerly—even though my heart was breaking knowing I would get on the scale tomorrow and the trip back up the digital readout would have begun yet again.

I have, in my years in the weight release business, worked with some poster children for other weight loss plans. These “success stories” lost all the weight they wanted to on

Lindora, Micheal Thurman, Slim Fast, Jenny Craig etc.  They even had their pictures

plastered over the papers and advertisements for these programs. When they came to me, these pictures of the thin them were a mere memory—the weight had come back once the plan had been discarded or the weight loss goal achieved.

 One client brought such a picture in to me, an ad in the Times for one of these “programs” There he stood smiling from ear to ear in his “after” pose, all toned and skinny, the washboard abs rippling under his tight t-shirt.  He told me that the moment that photo session was over, he went out and began to eat himself back up the scale 50 pounds.  “I just didn’t know what else to do, a voice in me said, okay you’re done now, eat!—and so I did”. 

When our weight loss is only about reaching a number on a scale—we lose—but not in a good way.  We lose the opportunity to really live our lives and to learn how to love and trust ourselves so that when we do reach that day when our ideal weight appears on the scale, it is only a small part of a celebration that has been happening all along.  This celebration really began when you started your journey to weight mastery and finally began connecting to your true wants and needs.

The journey to long-term permanent weight loss isn’t about “before and after”--it’s about NOW—about loving yourself now.  Showing up for yourself--NOW.  Staying connected to yourself--NOW.  Living the life of your dreams--NOW.  Not letting some number on a scale give you permission to be okay or pretty or sexy or loveable or smart.  Your key to releasing the weight permanently is giving yourself the permission slip--NOW. 

So that when you do reach your ideal weight it will be a story more similar to a client of mine named Laura.  Laura struggled with her weight all of her life.  She had dieted and been successful a number of times but the success was short lived—she always gained it back.  Her life had been pretty dedicated to losing weight, so much so, that she had few true friends and other than work, not much of a life.

When we started working together I asked her what her dream was she told me she wanted to study art in Italy for a summer.  I asked her why she never pursued this dream.  She said she never felt like she looked good enough—in her fantasy when she went to Italy she was thin. So then I asked her, if she was thin right now what would be stopping her from going right this very second and signing up.  “Well I am not good at languages-my Italian sucks”, she replied.  “I am shy and kind of scared to go there all by myself.”  “So it really is more than your weight?” I asked.   “Yeah,” she replied, “I guess I use my weight as an excuse to not put myself out there.” “Maybe part of your weight release is to learn Italian and join an Art Club,” I suggested.”  Laura balked at the idea—“I have to be thin first then I’ll do that.”  I pressed her—“but if you do these things now as you are releasing the weight you will build your confidence and expand your life--you would be loving yourself down the scale by living your dream NOW.”  She got the point and began to take it to heart.

Now Laura was one of those people who would starve all day and eat all night.  As we worked out a food plan that served her, she began to find ways of working living her dream in with her weight release which also helped her avoid night eating—problem solving at it’s best!.  She joined an art club on Tuesdays and worked out 4 nights a week—something that she always considered a chore—but now looked forward to because she had the idea to listen to Italian lessons on her Ipod!  She found that the trance state of exercise made her brain more receptive to learning.  As she released weight, her Italian got better and her social network increased.  As she grew thinner her confidence increased and she finally made her dream a reality and signed up for her summer abroad.

The day she stepped on the scale in my office she was in a hurry because she had to get to the passport office before it closed.  She glanced at her ideal weight on the scale and said, “I thought it might be that—gotta go! And thanks—I’ll send you a postcard from Rome and it won’t have any meat sauce stains on it! Ciao!”  She had become so alive in her life that the number on the scale was a mere afterthought.  Even after her return to the states, Laura continued to live large without the large and was able to maintain her weight release.  She told me that living her dream even before reaching her weight ideal was key for her.  She learned that fat or thin, she was worthy and capable of living a full life—so that making it “all about being thin” didn’t frighten her, nor did she make the number on the scale the reason to give herself permission to love herself.

I am not saying you have to learn a language or learn to paint in order to lose weight.   But the opportunity is yours to use this weight release journey to really step into your dreams by focusing on what you truly want out of life and to really honor yourself by making that a part of your journey down the scale.

Thank you for all being a part of my dream come true.

Happy Dreaming,

Happy Shifting

Oxox Rita

Shift Weekly: Long-Term Weight Success Leaves Clues

Dear Shifters,

January is probably the most busy season in  the weight loss industry.  I probably don’t need to tell you why as you have probably experienced the “starting over” syndrome yourself in January many times.  My friend lamented that it is hard to get in her gym classes in January because of all the “resolutioners” in their new spiffy matching work-out outfits.  She also noted that these “resolutioners” all disappear by March!

When we Shift there is no starting over because everything that happens to us on our journey to weight mastery is a lesson that will help us becomes more masterful in the long run.  We lose the lessons when we keep starting over—what a shame!

My coaching for this week is—never start over—commit to yourself and your weight release for life and steer clear of the “resolutioner” syndrome.  This week I am sharing with you long-term success clues from two Shifters who have now been maintaining weight for a long time.  I hope their strategies for long-term success serve you (see below these Shift offers).

Only 2 places left for the January 21^st REShift—please let me know if you are interested ASAP.

Only 10 places left for the January 21^st Shift Weight Mastery Process.  If you are new to Shift and wonder what it is all about email me back and we can set up a time to speak.

Saturday Support and Monday Night Phone Classes are currently enrolling.

Cheri Johnson has been Shifting for 2 and a half years and maintaining for almost an overall 80 lb weight release for almost a year.  Here are some of her insights to long term success.

Rita,

I just wanted you to know how wonderful this last year and a half of Shifting with you has been for me. I have released 80 lbs overall (the last 20+ with the Shift) and the last don't feel like I ever deprived myself, starved myself, white knuckled it, nothing! I got to eat what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted just by staying within my gas tank for releasing weight.

I wanted to lose weight via the slow track, my motto being 'slow and steady wins the race', and there was no pressure for me to lose it quickly (which in my case usually involved a strict diet followed by an all out binge resulting in more weight gain than lost after said 'diet'!)

So here I am, Shifting two and year a half years later—keeping an 80lb weight release under my belt and I have never felt healthier or happier in my life when it comes to food. I know this is something I can and will be doing for the rest of my life--becoming a master at long term permanent weight release.
I thank you so much for all you do--Rita, you really are Shifting the world one person at a time.
Alone we diet, together we Shift!!! Thank you sooo much.
 

I would say what has worked for me so far:

1) Focus on your vision--what is more important, the food, or the
vision? Sometimes the food is/was, but I really have a strong vision
of what I want to look and feel like, and I keep it in my mind at all times. But I'm not perfect as you'll see if you look back at my food, nor do I want to be perfect. I want to be Shifting and healthy, and I feel I am. This, for me, is forever. It's a process, and we are loving scientists. TRULY
looking at it like that also works for me.

2) I write my food down every day and send it no matter what. Do I
forget sometimes? Yes. But I find I do so much better when I write it
down IMMEDIATELY after I eat it. Otherwise I do and often will forget
if I don't write it down right away. I also like to save my calories
for later in the day--I don't like having no calories left at the end
of the day, so I try to save the most calories for night time.

3) Exercise

4) Listen to the hypnosis CDs every night before bed

5)Ask for help.

6) Keep shifting!!! I knew this change was for LIFE, so I was happy on the 'slow
track' because I knew slow and steady would win the race, and I was
right. I can't "do" diets any more, so I found (and am continuing to
find) what works for me. Consistency over time, not perfection or
quick results. I know this is weight that is OFF cause it took me that
long to pack it on, and it took me that long to release it.

7) Be easy with yourself. We're only human.

8) I've experimented with cutting out as much bread as I used to eat
and I swear that had something to do with it.

Erin E. has been maintaining her weight release since 2008.  Her are her clues--

Hi Rita-

I got to my goal weight in May 2008 (I lost 26 pounds), and I have been working on maintenance since then. 

The 5 most important things that have helped me on my path to weight loss/maintenance are:

1. I gave up on the idea that I will be perfect all the time.  I have stopped making myself believe that everyone else in my life expects me to be perfect....because they don't.

I am, by nature, a perfectionist, and in other areas of my life it has been very helpful (my career is a good example of where this has served me well).  Naturally, I figured that if this behavior worked so well in other areas, it would work for weight management.  I was wrong - I just kept hitting that wall.  The irony is that allowing myself to be LESS of a perfectionist is probably the best thing I have done along the way.  Allowing for the inevitable "mistakes", instead of seeing every little slip-up as a complete and utter failure has been the most helpful thing for me.  I view the "mistakes" as opportunities to learn and I keep going.  I try not to dwell on past "bad" behavior.  In fact, I try not to view any given behavior as "bad".

2.  I have learned what my "red flags" are.

In the past, I have lost weight and gotten to goal weight and then I seemingly wake up one day and I am 20 pounds heavier.  I have battled those same pounds my whole life.  My problem was that I didn't observe my behavior well enough to understand that I was off the right path until I was really headed in the wrong direction.  Now, I pay attention to 3 things and if I am not doing them consistently, then I know something is going on.  For me, the three things I pay attention to are:  Am I writing down what I eat every day?  Did I go to my favorite class at the gym on Saturday?  Did I go to Church on Sunday?  Of course, these will be different for everyone, but if I answer "yes" to these questions, I am doing well.  If I can't answer "yes", then I spend some time thinking about why I missed doing one of these things and I commit to doing them the next week.  Conversely (and this is an example of how things can come full circle), for me, what I look like on the outside is directly related to how I feel on the inside (i.e. how happy/content I am).  My weight is a "red flag" for me of how I am doing emotionally and spiritually.

3. I have a "weigh-in" day and I record it.

I need to weigh myself at least once a week.  Some people say they "go by their clothes".  That doesn't work for me.  I can be up 10 pounds, and I would still be saying that my jeans fit great.  It is not that I don't trust myself, but as they say, "numbers  don't lie".

4. Track what my daily food intake and calories.

This is a big one for me. I get out of control really fast with food if I don't record it.  I exercise and I believe it is really important to a healthy lifestyle, but the fact is that you can do A LOT more damage on the food side in A LOT less time. It takes me about 5 minutes to eat 500 calories (takes about an hour of intense exercise to burn that off).  I have made peace with the fact that I will have to track my food and count calories in some way for the rest of my life.  For me, it is a small price to pay.

5.  Getting to goal weight is the BEGINNING of the journey. Not the end.

This is my most recently learned lesson.  All those "thin" people that I see all the time, it turns out that most of them are working just as hard (if not harder) than I am to maintain their figure.  It doesn't come easy to very many people - for some reason, I take a great deal of comfort in that fact.

Thanks Erin and Cheri for your inspiration and insights!!!  Have a shifted week everyone! No starting over!!!:)

Oxox Rita